I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
