Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
