That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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