i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
