Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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