you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
