Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
