dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
