her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
