There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
