He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
