Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
