that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
