omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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