apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
