I intend to get homeless drunk
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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