Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
