also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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