I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
