How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
we're so committed to being not committed
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