i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
