I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
