I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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