Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
