Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
