Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
