I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Please don't give away my fajitas
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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