dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
