I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
