sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
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