he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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