So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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