Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
