We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
