wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
