i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
