dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
