yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
