You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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