Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
