I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
