I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
