dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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