i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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