You're so nebulous sometimes
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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