I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
