im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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