Your dad touched me again.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
