I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
