No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have fence marks all over my body
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
