fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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