so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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