I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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