you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
