I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
barbara walters just said penis...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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