The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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