gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
