i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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